Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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