As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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