Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize