I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
