I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
