Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
