WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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