You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
