I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
