GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
