saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize