This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
