We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize