I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
