she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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