You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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