my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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