Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
