we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
