she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
