I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
