It's like God shit irony all over that family
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
