Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
