Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
