I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
