im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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