I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
