I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize