There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
