Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
