I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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