i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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