one might say we're banned from that church
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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