I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
