matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
