I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
