When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
