If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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