How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
