Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
