is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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