mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
