i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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