Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
