I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
