we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
