I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
