1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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