K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize