i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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