genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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