Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
