Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
