Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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