I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
