Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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