I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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