I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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