im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
