We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
