Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
