Just fell off a train. Bad.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
