Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
