I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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