Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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